What will I tell the priest? Which sin will I confess? What will I do in the confession room? How should I confess my sins? How should I react?
These are some of the questions I often ask myself before going to confession. But beside those, I also have questions like:
What will the priest say upon hearing my sins? Especially the sins I repeatedly commit? What will people say when they see me go to the confession room? What will my friends or family think about me?
These questions were always bothering me before. And to avoid facing them, I creep out.
Nah! I don’t think it’s for me. I’m too sinful and it’s so shameful! Well, I’m serving God anyway, so maybe God will forgive me even if I don’t do it.
That’s how crazy I was before. Me and my wrong notions! And if not because of the events that I attended which encourage us to go to confession before joining, I wouldn’t have brought myself confessing to a priest again and I wouldn’t have considered confession as an essential part of my journey. I would have continued feeling tortured instead of being freed. And I would have continued to think that confessing is a shameful thing to do despite my desire to do it before.
I’ve shared in my previous blog that I’m scared to go to confession because of my fear to be judged. But thinking and reflecting about it, it’s also because of my lack of faith and trust in God.
I believe that God sees and knows everything. Even our darkest secrets. I also believe that He forgives us. But despite such, I’m still scared. That, I believe, is because of my lack of faith – faith in Him who is capable of forgiving even our gravest sin; and lack of trust – trust in Him who will accept us wholeheartedly despite and in spite of our inequities.
But I praise God that I got to join activities who introduced me of the beauty of confession. And I thank Him for the never-ending pursuit and patience towards me. For at last, I’m caught by His love. I am not well-versed in the Bible’s statement about confession, but allow me to share to you how it felt.
As I started to embrace confession as a part of my relationship with God, I’ve developed love instead of fear. Love to God and love to myself. Acceptance also surfaced. The acceptance that I am an imperfect human being who could still fall into temptation and is still a sinner but will always be loved and redeemed by God. Faith and trust also grow along with them. And it’s funny to think in hindsight, that what once scared me isn’t actually scary. But it’s actually a missing piece of the puzzle. No, it’s not actually missing. It’s hidden. Because I know it’s existence but I tried to hide it and never took it as an essential part of my being.
Yes, confession is the hidden piece of the puzzle that you have to take and use. And what I love more about the effect of confession, is the security it gave me. That I am love, I am accepted, and I have a faithful God who will never let go of my hand. Love, acceptance, faith and trust, all together in one picture, built a solid foundation and a shield against temptation.
The battle is still going on until now, but I know that victory is here. It has been declared before, and it will surely happen again. In fact, it already happened and it is happening. Because Jesus is Victory Himself. He is Freedom.
We just have to continue believing that He is all that we need in our lives.
What about you? What keeps you from going to confession? Why are you ashamed to tell the priests your sins, especially if they’re the same sins you confessed last time?
Please remember what Lamentations 3:22-23 (CEV) says,
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
May you be blessed and inspired,
reaLIFEzations 